When you discover that a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle or other elderly relative is struggling with feelings of loneliness, it is quite common to feel a sense of helplessness and responsibility. However, Age UK has reported that over 1.4 million older people in the UK report feeling lonely or isolated on a regular basis, so it is important to recognise that neither you or your loved one are alone.
Loneliness is a major issue that can have a significant impact on the mental and physical wellbeing of elderly people, especially those who have lost a spouse, so finding support as early as possible can give them a much better quality of life.
At Inchmarlo Retirement Village, caring for the elderly is something we take exceptional pride in, so we wanted to offer some practical ways to support an elderly relative who may be experiencing loneliness.
Share your time
One of the first things you are likely to do, and we encourage you to do, is to spend more time with your loved one.
Sometimes, finding out how lonely our relatives are can cause us to reevaluate just how much time we are really spending with them.
Setting aside a few afternoons a week, or a dedicated day at the weekend might not have occurred to you before, but this can be an easy way for you to ensure they feel less isolated.
One of the things we highly recommend is setting aside time to assist with day-to-day tasks, such as shopping, cooking, gardening, popping to the post office or walking the dog. Turning these small jobs into a social activity can establish a routine between you both, so they know that there will always be someone there for them, even when they’re on their own.
Remember, it is important to do these things together instead of taking them entirely off their hands, because continuing to perform daily tasks like going outside, walking and staying active have proven benefits towards remaining happy and healthy in our older years.
Start a conversation
Taking the responsibility off their hands and planning activities out of their control is the last thing you want to do for your elderly relatives.
Regardless of whether they approached you to let you know how they are feeling or you noticed that they seem to be more isolated than normal, starting a conversation about how they are feeling is one of the best things you can do to figure out exactly how to help.
Understandably, this conversation might not be easy. It can be difficult for anyone to open up about feelings of loneliness, but many parents and grandparents may find it uncomfortable to reverse the role they have established as your caregiver.
Stay patient, and reassure them that you want to be there for them, and it is okay to be feeling isolated. Encourage them to be open about how they wish to tackle this problem, and you can create a plan together.
You should also speak with your siblings and other living relatives about sharing time together as a family.
Find local social activities
Finding local social and activity groups can be a fantastic way to encourage socialising in a more engaging and dynamic way.
We think this is a fantastic way to reduce boredom as well as isolation as it can encourage new hobbies, and more time spent on existing or dormant hobbies.
For example, depending on the interests of your loved one, you could participate in following group activities together:
- Books
- Dancing
- Yoga
- Knitting
- Walking
- Bridge
- Music
You may need to check that your relative has easy transport access to these groups so they can get there independently. Otherwise, you could consider arranging a taxi, or seeing if any other relatives who live locally might be willing to offer lifts, or even better, attend the club alongside them.
You can always be there to encourage them, and have a coffee and sandwich together afterwards.
If you’re not sure where to start, you could consider taking a look at the befriending services and lunch clubs offered by Age UK.
Technology Assistance
We are very fortunate to live in a time where phones and video calls allow us to connect with loved ones who live far away from us. Even though a phone call doesn’t provide the same level of connection as time spent together, it can provide a more accessible way to check in with your relatives and see how they’re feeling on a regular basis.
If you have a particularly busy schedule, this can also be a way to bridge the gap between you and your elderly relative.
During times when you’d usually be cooking, commuting to and from work, or getting ready for bed, setting aside even 5 minutes to give them a call can give them a small amount of connection, and help them feel like they’re still a part of your life.
Support Mental Health
Loneliness can have a detrimental impact on the mental health of your relative. Loneliness can impact every area of your loved one’s life, and this is evident in the common signs that your loved one is struggling:
- Neglecting personal hygiene and appearance
- Changes to sleeping routines, including disrupted sleep
- Not eating as they should be
- Making excuses and apologising for taking up your time
- Acting more lethargic, and seeming less like themselves
Encourage your elderly relative to seek professional help if needed, and let them know that they can speak openly about their feelings with you.
If the situation doesn’t improve, take some time to research online resources like Mind UK.
Check in regularly
Something we encourage you to remember is that the situation won’t improve overnight. It can take a while for feelings of loneliness to disappear completely, even with the support of family, friends and the community.
Be patient, be there, and check in with them regularly.
You may find that your initial strategy didn’t help, and that’s okay. It is a process.
You should also be wary that there are a number of reasons why loneliness occurs in older people, and this can impact how different forms of socialising are likely to impact them.
For example, if they have recently lost their spouse or partner, then the help of family, and specialist grief counselling will be more likely to lessen the feelings of loneliness than joining a book group. However, the newfound sense of security gained from investing in hobbies can help them come to terms with the empty space they now feel in their home.
Suggest retirement villages and care homes
One of the most difficult elements of recognising loneliness in an elderly relative is that many of us often don’t have the time or resources to support our loved ones the way we would wish to. And, they will need support that goes beyond this time.
Retirement villages and care homes can provide your relatives with a community of like-minded people who are at a similar stage in life. This must be their choice, so if you or they think it may be an option, you will need to discuss the following together:
- Whether there are funds to support retirement village or care home living
- Which care homes are accessible to you, as their relative
- What community activities the care home or retirement village offers
- Whether they offer independent living options, and what’s included
At Inchmarlo Retirement Village, we have over 180 retirement homes in 9 neighbourhoods in Banchory, Aberdeenshire where homeowners can enjoy an active social life.
We encourage independent and active retirement living, based on providing comfort, company and friendship within a social community of like-minded retirees. Take a look at our retirement homes for sale, or discover our care home if the needs of your loved one are more suited to full-time care.
Remember that by taking the time to research how to help your elderly relative through this period of loneliness, you are already doing the right things.